A time to fight and a time to walk away...

A few years ago I fought to lose weight and I did, 87 pounds worth. I kept it off for a couple years but now it is time to walk away from that success and let my body live comfortably at what ever weight it feels best at. I am giving up the fight, in fact I am setting a new goal, a realistic and attainable goal, I am once again going to be fat. The way I see it...it is much easier on me to hate myself fat than love myself thin. I am lazy by nature and should learn to deal with the consequence of that lifestyle choice. So the time to fight has passed and now it is time to walk away...who am I kidding there will be very little walking, mostly just some sitting my fat ass on the couch. Now where did I put those damn Doritos!

In light of this new goal of mine there will probably be some fat jokes coming soon!

The zoo within the zoo...

Okay, I go to the zoo to look at the animals. Isn't that why we all go? My problem is that no matter what day of the week you go, there are hundreds of unruly, snot-faced hell spawns. Yes I am talking about children (pre-teens). They suck up all the good viewing areas and are loud, rowdy and inconsiderate. Half of them don't even know what it is they are looking at. Somebody needs to tell these little gargoyles that the zoo isn't just for them, hell they didn't even pay to get in, us adults have every right to those good viewing areas, too. If I had my way I would toss one over into the tiger exhibit and yell, "That is what happens when you hog all the good spots!" Followed shortly by their inattentive mother.

I understand that this may sound a little selfish on my part, but you know what? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

Quick little observation...

So, a few of us were watching a couple of at bats of the women's college softball World Series when somebody asked why we were watching it?

I said, "there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching these fine upstanding lesbian women."

This led to a whole conversation about the differences between softball lesbians and soccer lesbians. The highly stereotypical conclusion is this...Softball lesbians are more feminine and wear make-up, looks matter. Soccer lesbians wear the pants in their relationships and prefer the au naturale look, leaning toward the butch side of things.

Why is this important you may ask? And I would answer, "Its not, does everything have to be important, or have some kind of deeper subject matter/meaning? I think not. Some things are just fun to talk about without being too serious."

If you are offended...get over yourself!

Time Warp/ed?

Driving along today, I pulled up next to a truck with two guys in it. I noticed that the passenger had some older looking headphones around his neck and was fiddling with something in his hands. I gazed over at him, while waiting for the red light to turn green, trying to get a peek at what he was messing with. I was absolutely stunned...no...no...I was appalled at what I saw in his hands. It was a @#%$ing audio cassette player, a Walkman. That's right an ancient, out-dated, passe', nobody has one anymore @#%$ing cassette player. I proceeded to laugh and point at him and thought that I had seen it all until the duct tape holding it all together was revealed...I @#%$ing lost it...tears coming out of my eyes LOST IT!!! Somebody needs to introduce that man to an iPod or at the very least a portable CD player. I am willing to bet the poor bastard has an 8-track in his early 1970's Mercury Monarch too. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

People really need to wake up and keep up with the times. I am not saying you need to go out and buy all the latest gadgets (I keep a special place for those idiots as well) but c'mon a Walkman, seriously?

The moral of the story is...If you don't want to be laughed at and ridiculed then wake up, throw away your out-dated shit and join society in the present times.

Hmm?

Do you ever get that gut feeling that makes you feel...

Excuse me I'll be right back got to use the bathroom.

(15 minutes later)

Lets see, where was I?

*reading post*

Well never mind, I know what that gut feeling was now.

Friday Funny

My friend and I went by a cemetery today and there was a sign that read "McFall Service".

My friend said, "Wonder how he died?"

I replied, "He McFell."

True story.

Random Thought Thursday...

I really want to kill the person who thought having a neat, manicured lawn and keeping the grass green and perfect was a good idea...say what??? If he is dead I hope the grass over his grave is brown and uncut!

Forget seen and not heard

Teenagers...Bind and gag them all!

Politicians...Bind and gag them all!

You ever notice how many similarities there are between teenagers and politicians that make them so unlikable?

For instance...

The complete lack of respect for authority
Sex is in the forefront of their thoughts
A complete and total God complex
They have a lie or excuse for everything
They think they know more and are smarter than you are

I am sure there are a hundred more (if not thousands) of other similarities, this is only tip of the iceberg.

Please discuss other similarities and post up those comments!